Today has already been a maelstrom of things. By that, I mean I got things in the mail that made me go all strom like. No, I don’t know what a strom is either, but it sounds like something similar to my morning. A cheque made out to Tiernan Diouet was interesting, and then the strom was further fuelled by the DVLA telling me I’d sent an outdated licence to them and now have to send them my newer one with correct issue number or I’ll lose my licence forever and go to court. I don’t have a newer licence, have never been sent a newer licence and yet the sarcastic woman in Swansea insisted I had definitely definitely been sent it. She is not aware of how anal our filing system in our flat is and how all possible important driving things go in one special slightly broken cat haired covered folder. In that folder there is no such ‘newer’ licence and I am in firm belief the woman just needs £20 to go out on the town in Swansea and this is her way of scamming it from me. My slightly more worrying fear is that I will pay for it, send it off and it will return with my name as Tiernan Diouet on it.
After yesterdays strom about questions I thought I’d create a blogstrom about my T Quiz strom that I do on Twitter. Some of you who are frequent Twitterers will know about this, while others of you are still stuck in the past and don’t know what a twitter is (idiots, strom). For the latter of you, I’ve been having much fun getting bored and deciding to hold impromptu quizzes on Twitter, known as the #TQuiz. These generally involve questions I’ve made up in my head with answers that barely relate. Recently the winners have been sent a CD of my old Edinburgh show, but before that no one got anything as they were very hard to win. I have had to change the rules slightly so that funniest answers win, but all questions must be given some sort of a reply for them to count. Anyway, yawny bits aside, I dug through my old #TQuiz attempts from a few months back and thought I’d post them all up here in a mega TQuiz. Only smarties have the answers. LIES. I have them too. They are at the bottom of the page for you cheaters. For those of you that have played it before, why not play with your eyes closed? Strom.
Note: There is no prize for these apart from the sheer joy it will bring your tiny lives. Sorry I meant chives. Tiny chives. Oh and last night’s quiz isn’t included.
Here’s the first ever #TQuiz questions! STROM!
TQuiz from November 5th 2009:
Q1: How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if both its arms had been cut off and replaced by huge mechanical diggers?
Q2: What is the cockney slang for a criminal psychologist?
Q3: What word am I not thinking of?
Q4: What qualification do people who study dog’s temperatures at uni get?
Q5: Who says I can’t stay out till midnight on a Wednesday?
Q6: Which of these is the odd one out: ONE OUT, OnE OuT, Ooonneee Ouuuuut, 1 Out, whoooon oot.
TQuiz from December 2nd 2009:
Question 1) If I were a hammer I’d…. (please complete the sentence).
Question 2) If a liger is half lion, half tiger, what is a wartolphinasaurus rexickenabbiteopard?
Question 3) When is a yoghurt not a yoghurt?
Question 4) If I have a DVD player to play DVD’s and an Xbox 360 to play Xbox games, what do I have to play the xylophone with?
Question 5) 5?
Question 6) The language of Epseranto is named so for what reason?
Question 6) Havent we already had a question 6?
Question 8) blue, knob, Leicester, wensleydale. Which is the odd one out?
Question 9) What on earth do you think you’re doing with that?
Question 10 – Final question) John rode in on a Friday, stayed for two days, then rode back out on a Friday. How did he do this?
#TQuiz Feb 22nd 2010:
Q1: Two’s Company, Three’s a crowd what’s 27 and a half?
Q2: Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan, Chaka Khan?
Q3: Oh Shit! Bears! ?
Q5: Complete the sentence: Mochachocalatteyayah?
Q6: 🙂 ?
Q7: Complete the pattern: courgette, cigarette, courvette….?
Q8: If I was travelling at 93mph and you were travelling at -7cm per year, where would we meet and what shoes would I have on?
Q9: Nine? Nein? Nin? Ninny? Nanny? Nonny? No?
AND HERE’S THE ANSWERS FOR YOU YOU CHEATY PEOPLES!
Answers
Nov 5th 2009:
Can’t find the answers for these. You’ll have to live in mystery for ever. Or in your home. The latter is better.
Dec 2nd 2009:
A1) I’d have smashed up my keyboard typing this.
A2) Very bloody dangerous. Back away! Back away now! Too late. Its eaten your nan. I bloody told you.
A3) When its a greeting to your friend Ghurt eg ‘Yo! Ghurt!’ See also Heyghurt, and WhyhelloGhurt.
A4) A tiny silver spoon made from space dust. Its makes it go proper plinky plink.
A5) Twelvety Ninens. Can’t believe no one got that.
A6) It was invented by Esper Rantzen.
A6) Havent you already had 6?
A8) , was the odd one out as it was repeated 4 times. The others are all types of cheese. Leicester is also a place. Wensleydale isnt.
A9) Dancing the dance of the monkey king! And you shant try to stop me for you will be torn apart by raging capuchins!
A10) He was a timelord. And he had a misprinted calendar that said everyday was Friday. And he was on the planet Friday.
Feb 22nd 2010:
A1: Its a mega party conga led by half a man Stan! (He lost his legs in the Persian war, he then found them but left them on a bus)
A2: Yes? (Note: This can only be answered if you are actually Chaka Khan)
A3: Don’t worry, it was said by a slang speaking yout. We are just surrounded by manys. Oh Shit! Manys! ?
A4: On a Cumulus Nim-Bus!
A5: I just want a tea! Just a tea dagnabbit! Just a frikkin shitty tea! Yaaaarggh *people die*
A6: If you didn’t open the bracket you can’t close it. I will just assume that you have no concept of grammar.
A7: Put them all together, blend for 5 mins and you get a lovely Patricia Arquette.
A8: We would never meet. I’m a vegetarian. I don’t do meet. And I would be wearing very burnt galoshes.
A9: Shit! German Jesters! ? !?
The sun is in my eyes. I didn’t think my eyes were big enough to contain a mega ball of fiery gas but you learn something new everyday. I shall now go. BYE!
