I am lying on my bed in a room that looks as though something bad has happened to it. I wouldn’t say it looks like its been hit by a bomb as that would be a huge lie. Nothing is burnt to a cinder. There is no blast damage. There is merely the detritus of […]
Warning. This blog may be a tad steamy and hard to cope with for some readers. For a start, throughout the duration of typing this, I’m wearing my new shorts, and exposing all leg from the knee downwards. Phew. Is it hot in here or what? What? Oh. What. Oh. Well the next sentence is […]
HOSE GUN One of my duties while my parents are away, aside from making sure the cat doesn’t die – which I’ve only sort of managed so far. It has miaowed and scraped at the window like someone in a film where the chamber is filling with gas – is watering their garden. I gawped […]
HEATED MOMENTS Traffic on a hot day is up there with the most worstest things everest. I have just driven my brother to the airport because I am the best brother in the whole widest worldest, and much of the journey consisted of us sitting in traffic, slowly boiling until we could probably have been […]
A small boring bullet point blog today as I have to go and argue over what’s mine that’s still in my old flat. I say argue, but it’ll probably be fairly amicable as I find reasons as to why I need a television more than my ex does. So far I’m practicing the argument that […]
I’d probably call myself a purist when it comes to tampering with classic tales and legends. Nothing captures my imagination more than a good story and it really bothers me when someone decides that tale that’s been around for years and years and most certainly ain’t broke, needs fixing. Its happened time and time again […]
I always get to airports early. It’s part of what my friend Mat has coined as an ‘over developed sense of urgency’. It means that something in the back of my head panics that if I don’t get to the airport at least an hour or two before I need to, there is a chance […]
Before last night my image of the RAF was very much men wearing leather hats and goggles, with slightly curled moustaches saying phrases like ‘Chocks Away!’, ‘Toodle Pip’ and talking about rogering things a lot. “Roger that’. I assumed a lot of stuff got rogered. Then I thought there would be a few of them […]
Last night in my dream I had to eat popcorn that never seemed to end and all the while I did it, a man in a Hawaiian shirt kept humming the calypso theme. Then there was a bit where somebody kept running up behind me, stroking my arms and running away and the only other […]
TENT-TATIVE I’ve just bought a tent. I’ve never bought a tent before. I’ve borrowed tents, often to return them in a state of muddied ruin, with tent pegs bent all out of shape and the whole package shoved back into its tiny bag with seemingly high disregard so that it looks to be experiencing a […]