I have 15 minutes to write this blog. I like to think of it as the blog equivalent of Speed. Except its a blog, not a bus. And I don’t have to type at 50 mph or my fingers would fall off and my keyboard would collapse. And Dennis Hopper isn’t in it. Mostly ‘cos […]
Last night at the ever lovely Old Rope, I tried to talk a little bit about what Israeli forces bombarding the flotilla yesterday. It was possibly the fact it was too soon, the fact that my jokes were shit and there is little that is funny about it, or that the audience hadn’t heard about […]
I’m having a sort of day off today. I say sort of, as I have to gig tonight. But up until the point where I walk onstage, today is for slobbery. That’s being like a slob, not spreading saliva everywhere. Although, there is nothing to say that won’t also happen. I’m not 100% sure to […]
Why are people pretending to be upset about the being last in the Eurovision Song Contest? Every year we send some hapless twat to sing a song no one has any confidence in, to compete against other hapless twats from countries that actually seem to care about them, mostly due to their cultural lack of […]
Firstly, before I write this blog about what I want to write this blog about, you all need to know how it feels to sleep in a bedroom, with this just outside it: Terrifying huh? Yes, I’m sure a big part of it is having watched the Weeping Angels episodes of Doctor Who, but regardless […]
Sometimes day have themes unintentionally. Today for example, I have had a baked potato and got my Rage Against the Machine tickets. What theme could today possibly have? Well my baked potato was slightly overcooked and crispy and set the smoke alarm off, much like Rage Against the Machine. Ok, so today hasn’t really got […]
I’m having an odd day today. It mostly started with being woken up at a silly hour for the second time in a row by the sound of someone chainsawing a tree. They appear to only want to chainsaw a tree between 8am and 9am and at no other time and I can’t figure out […]
If X-Factor was judged in a shower, I would definitely compete. I’ve realised this sounds dodgy, but I meant in terms of the fact that I can definitely warble a tune while in my ceramic cleaning pod. I did not mean in terms of wanting to show off my speedos to Cowell. I don’t have […]
SUNGLASSES I need new sunglasses. Thing is everytime I get new sunglasses, its only a very short amount of time until I need new sunglasses again. Of my last six pairs of sunglasses three were sat on by me, one was stolen when my car got broken into, one was sat on by someone else […]
I am not a football fan. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it lots of times, unless I am accidentally in a football based pub and in which case I will first wonder how on earth I’ve ended up there, and then secondly try and work out what I can shout or say that […]